Teaching Consent as a Life Skill to Kids: 11 Important Messages You Should Share

The concept of consent is not an idea we’re born with. It’s not an intuition we have or an inherent understanding within us. It’s a societal standard, a social construct, a man-made law. Therefore, it must be taught and learned by everyone, just like how to drive. 

Teaching children about consent is crucial for their personal development and safety, as well as for fostering a society built on respect and understanding. It’s our duty to ensure the next generation understands and implements consent at every turn, and it starts with teaching them these essential aspects of consent. 

1. Consent Is Freely Given

Consent must be given voluntarily, without pressure, manipulation, or coercion. It’s important to teach children that they should never feel forced to agree to something they’re uncomfortable with. Any form of pressured or coerced consent is simply not true consent, but rather control. 

2. Consent Can Be Revoked at Any Time

Emphasize that it’s okay to change one’s mind, even after initially giving consent. This applies to all situations, from playing games to more serious matters. Just because you agree to something on Tuesday at 1 PM, doesn’t mean you’re bound to that agreement at 3 PM or on Wednesday. 

3. Consent Must Be Ongoing

Teach children that consent is not a one-time event but an ongoing process. It’s essential to check in regularly and ensure all parties are still comfortable. Some younger generations practice consent check-ins, where they reaffirm consent as things progress in sexual situations. 

4. Substances Can Void Consent

Make sure you explain that when someone is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, they may not be able to give informed consent. This is particularly important for older children and teenagers. Whether the impaired person is engaging in intimacy, taking on a dare, or agreeing to a game, their consent is not complete and should be taken with a grain of salt. In most situations, it’s best to assume they have not consented. 

5. Silence Does Not Equal Consent

Make it clear that the absence of a “no” does not automatically mean “yes.” Encourage children to seek enthusiastic, affirmative consent in all interactions. A whispered “yes” is not the type of consent people should look for, as it implies an element of pressure or uncertainty. If you ask someone if you can borrow a T-shirt and they hem and haw and give a half-hearted “I guess so…” just find a different shirt. 

6. Consent Is Specific

Teach children that agreeing to one thing doesn’t mean agreeing to everything. For example, consenting to a hug doesn’t mean consenting to a kiss. Agreeing to go to the gas station doesn’t mean you’re also willing to go to the grocery store. This is another reason that consent check-ins that reaffirm participation are wise. 

7. Power Imbalances Can Affect Consent

Explain how differences in age, authority, or social status can impact one’s ability to give genuine consent. This helps children understand complex social dynamics. When a 15-year-old enters a romantic relationship with a 25-year-old, she legally cannot consent. But more importantly, the power dynamics and world understanding in this dynamic create a power imbalance that means the 15-year-old may not fully understand or feel that they can exercise their right to consent or not.

8. Nonverbal Cues Matter

Teach children to be attentive to body language and nonverbal signals, as these can indicate discomfort or withdrawal of consent. Some people are too shy or unsure to revoke consent or just say “no,” but it’s still the responsibility of all participants to asses consent. When in doubt, assume the consent is void.

9. You Must Respect Others’ Boundaries

Emphasize the importance of respecting others’ personal space and decisions, even if they differ from one’s own preferences. Just because you like piggyback rides doesn’t mean everyone does. Just because you’re happy to share your coffee with someone doesn’t mean they want to share their tea with you. Even if it doesn’t make sense to you, you have to respect these boundaries. 

10. It’s Always Okay to Say No

Encourage children to feel comfortable saying “no” and to respect when others do the same. This builds assertiveness and empathy. If they don’t want to hug Grandpa, don’t force them. If they’re not interested in peas for dinner, let them make their own choices. Never discourage the word “no,” especially if it involves them setting boundaries. 

11. Consent Applies to All Aspects of Life

Help children understand that consent isn’t just about sexual situations but applies to all interactions, from borrowing belongings to sharing personal information. This one is so, so important, so we’ll say it again: consent is not just about sex, it’s about everything. Consent applies to what someone is comfortable seeing, hearing, feeling, touching, saying, doing, eating, drinking, thinking, singing, and every other action you can think of.

Cement Their Understanding of Consent

It’s our job as adults to equip children with the tools to navigate relationships and social interactions respectfully and safely. It’s never too early or too late to start these conversations. Once someone learns a warped definition or toxic habit concerning consent, it’s extremely difficult to undo it, so start them off on the right foot. 

Arming the next generation with a deep understanding of consent can make for a better society. Whether they’re two or twenty, consent should always be a topic on the table and an ongoing conversation. 

Navigating the Talk: A Parent’s Guide to Discussing Condoms with Teens

Discussing sexual health with teenagers can be a sensitive and challenging task. However, open and honest conversations about condoms are crucial for promoting safe practices and preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancies. This guide provides practical advice on how to approach the topic thoughtfully and effectively.

READ:Navigating the Talk: A Parent’s Guide to Discussing Condoms with Teens

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